Saved by Grace!

This story was done in 2004. This isn't my story, it's the story of Christ's love for a small person that is me.

AMAZING STORY
Ex-Gay Finds Fatherly Love of God
By Amy Reid and Julie Blim
The 700 Club

CBN.com – Is homosexuality a genetic predisposition or some reaction to a bad home life that can be easily excused? Phillip Tucker originally thought so and eventually opted for the gay lifestyle. But even in his committed homosexual civil union, Phillip didn't find the love he had been searching for.

700 Club Reporter Julie Blim talks to Phillip to find out how, through the friendship of a caring, Christian woman, he finally found the love he had always needed: the unconditional love of God the Father.

JULIE BLIM (reporting): Phillip Tucker’s sexual confusion began at a young age. His parents divorced when he was 5. An absent father and busy single mother left him feeling lonely and confused.

What was it like growing up without your dad around?

PHILLIP TUCKER: Being raised in a home with my mom and my sister, I wasn’t taught man things, I wasn’t taught sports. There was no male figure, none.

JULIE BLIM (reporting): Phillip struggled with a growing attraction to other young men. He got involved in sports and attended church in an effort to sort out his troubling emotions.

There were times that you questioned what you were doing, who you were. How’d you handle that?

PHILLIP TUCKER: I felt like something was wrong with me, and I got very, very angry. I was angry all the time.

JULIE BLIM: At whom?

PHILLIP TUCKER: God. I was angry at God. I was angry at the church.

JULIE BLIM: Why?

PHILLIP TUCKER: I prayed all of the time, and it didn’t seem to work.

JULIE BLIM (reporting): Phillip finally had had enough.

PHILLIP TUCKER: Toward the late high school years, that’s when the leaks came out, so to speak. Scientists were working on this gay gene. They thought it might be linked to hereditary, and that gave me a way out. It was a lot easier to swallow.

JULIE BLIM: So you latched onto that?

PHILLIP TUCKER: Yes, I did. I tried to convince everybody.

JULIE BLIM (reporting): Phillip’s anger at God intensified when he was asked to leave the church after declaring himself a homosexual. He moved away to the big city and eventually entered into a civil union with another man. In that relationship, Phillip found what he hoped would be the lasting love and acceptance he was searching for.

PHILLIP TUCKER: It seemed like what marriages were supposed to be, what homes were supposed to be because there was no fighting, there was compromise.

JULIE BLIM: And as time went on, did you continue to feel that way?

PHILLIP TUCKER: No.

JULIE BLIM: No? Why not?

PHILLIP TUCKER: Because I knew in the back of my mind that God was real. I’d never lost that. Believe me: I did a lot of things to make that go away.

JULIE BLIM (reporting): Phillip experimented more and more with drugs and alcohol. He dabbled in the voodoo culture. Suddenly, his world shattered when his partner became a Christian—and left him.

PHILLIP TUCKER: I was so angry at God. I kept saying, 'How could you do this to me? What right do you have to pick one over another? What makes him more special than me? It was rough.

JULIE BLIM (reporting): And it got rougher. Within a week, Phillip’s grandfather died and a close friend was seriously injured in a car accident.

PHILLIP TUCKER: I think the turning point was I was sitting in my kitchen, and the water heater blew and flooded the kitchen. I just sat in the floor and I cried, and I took as many pills as I could.

JULIE BLIM (reporting): Phillip’s attempt at suicide was thwarted when a friend called and had him rushed to the emergency room. His life had been spared, but the search for meaning continued.

PHILLIP TUCKER: I decided, 'I’m just going to start over. I’m going to run from this and go to Tucson.'

JULIE BLIM (reporting): Phillip moved in with his sister, and she introduced him to her neighbor, Michelle. Michelle’s family—and her friendship—changed his life.

PHILLIP TUCKER: I saw a unit there, a family unit that was close. She talked several times, and she was like, 'I can’t judge you. I just need to know if you know the Lord. That’s all I need to know.' I was taken aback at first. I was surprised because she didn’t try to preach at me.

JULIE BLIM (reporting): Phillip developed a close friendship with Michelle and her family. One afternoon, while watching TV with them, Phillip saw part of a Billy Graham crusade.

What struck you in Billy Graham’s message?

PHILLIP TUCKER: He was saying, 'God loves you'—and I could see that he meant it. I could see the sincerity in his face, hear it in his voice. He said John 3:16, basically. Then he gave the altar call and thousands of people came forward. I just sat there and I cried.

JULIE BLIM (reporting): That night Phillip again struggled with the temptation to end his life.

PHILLIP TUCKER: I felt this pull, this tug inside me that was like evil and light. I said, 'Lord, please fix this. I believe now. I believe in Your resurrection. I believe in Your crucifixion.' Everything was just different.

JULIE BLIM (reporting): Phillip decided to give his life and all his sin over to Christ. His life changed dramatically in that moment.

PHILLIP TUCKER: It was immediate. Michelle and Tony and the kids noticed it, too.

JULIE BLIM (reporting): Phillip left the homosexual lifestyle and hasn’t looked back.

PHILLIP TUCKER: People who are in that lifestyle of homosexuality cannot go around that. It specifically says in the Bible, 'Flee from sexual sin.' The Lord doesn’t tell us to run that often. But with that He does.

JULIE BLIM (reporting): Soon after he became a Christian, Phillip found a job with Focus on the Family. He now works with other people who need counseling.

What message do you want to send out to men or women involved in homosexuality who want to get out?

PHILLIP TUCKER: It’s a lie. It’s probably one of the greatest lies that Satan has done in our century. God will fulfill you. Christ will give you everything that you need inside. He’ll fill everything. There’s no loneliness. There’s no bitterness. You can have that father that you never had. Sure we don't live perfect lives, but the redemption that Christ offers gives us the hope we need to finish the race winners.

Since this was done in 2004, I was blessed to be able to to serve with Love Won Out in 2006, an ex-gay ministry that was with Focus on the Family. During that time I was able to witness others that were saved by Grace from a life of unwanted same-sex attractions. When I was saved I was the only one I knew in my situation. With LWO, a whole new world was opened up to me. Seeing, meeting, and hearing the stories of hundreds that experienced the same salvation through Grace humbled me. Even though LWO is no longer a part of Focus on the Family, it still exists. Exodus International, which is led by Alan Chambers, has kept it alive. Even though I am no longer with the ministry, I still pray daily not only for all the lost, but specifically those struggling with unwanted same-sex attractions.